I've known many families around that age (+/- 5 years) with a stay at home spouse taking care of multiple kids. It really shapes their lifestyle in a lot of ways (smaller/older house, rarely eat out, rarely big family vacations, clothes/toys often from secondhand consignment stores, fewer/cheaper vehicles, etc.), but that's what's important to them so that's how they've set their priorities. Most didn't come from extremely wealthy backgrounds so its not necessarily like other wealthy people are propping them up, although a few are like that.
It may very well be impossible in certain markets but I wouldn't say its true across every family with the parents being around 30 years old.
This discussion gets me every single time. All three of my younger sisters are stay at home moms and their husbands make less than I do, and they have kids, whereas I don't. Until you're at least a deca-millionaire, no amount of money will ever feel like enough and you'll be stressed, or at least I will be, and I'm sure my sisters are, but the material differences in our day to day lives are nil. Their houses are smaller and they live in the middle of nowhere, whereas I live downtown in a major metro, but I also barely leave the house, so what difference does it make?
Everybody who thinks they absolutely cannot do it needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask how it is that 7 billion or so other people manage it with even less. It's nice not ever worrying about bills or paying much attention to what anything costs, but it's not that nice. I'm not actually any happier now than when I was living with four guys in a two bed apartment in the slums of Long Beach.
In my anecdotal experience the trend seems to be the less well-off families have stay-at-home moms, while the well-off professionals both work. It largely seems that the "no one can afford kids" idea is an excuse to not give up the DINK life style or at least dual income.
Its an "easier" thing to do (not claiming its an easy thing) when you're not living in a very wealthy area. Far easier to own a home when home prices are $200k not $2M. Groceries are often cheaper in less expensive areas. The few times you do decide to eat out the restaurants are also usually cheaper in the cheaper parts of town. There's more demand for good second-hand stores so they tend to thrive more in those areas. Very rich people often vote against public transit and bike lanes, at least in many parts of the country.
If you're trying to do it on a normal-ish kind of salary in an expensive place to live, its no wonder it seems impossible.
> personal anecdote
Anecdotes can refute an absolute claim like "no one my age can afford a stay at home wife". If you claim all screwdrivers are blue and I point to a red screwdriver in my tool drawer you can't just wave it away and say that's an anecdote. In reality, more millennials are opting for a single working parent lifestyle than Gen X did, largely due to extreme childcare costs.
When the cost for childcare is essentially eating a whole normal person's salary, there's a strong question of why have that parent go to wage-earning job.
It may very well be impossible in certain markets but I wouldn't say its true across every family with the parents being around 30 years old.